(The Hardest Part of Love, Children of Eden Original Broadway Cast)
In the concluding chapters of her book, Elizabeth Gilbert introduces the Zen Buddhist idea of two forces that bring an oak tree into creation. The first force is the acorn, the seed that holds all promise and potential. Gilbert realizes that everyone can see this, but she explains that few can see that the future tree itself is a force propelling growth. The oak tree "wants so badly to exist that it pulls the acorn into being [...] guiding evolution from nothingness to maturity." (329)
The song that I have selected from Children of Eden expounds upon this idea of growth, explaining that in doing so, one must also let go. This letting go is an act of supreme love; indeed the same love that Gilbert has chronicled in her book. Once the oak is set in motion, there is no turning back. Part of this motion, this growth, is to let go that which we have fostered and defined ourselves by. Noah and Father both must let their children go explore the world, make their own mistakes, and find the oak they were born to be. Gilbert must let go of her pain, and the exes that she lost herself in, to finally realize her oak.
Unlike Gilbert, I am not an oak tree. There is one I am destined to become, but at this point in my life, I am just a budding acorn. The journey of growth transcends all points of life though, and with this growth, one must let go. Existing in Rome, I had let go of home. This was an act of self love. Love held me close to home, but also allowed me to let go. I felt the mud of displacement and longing wash from my eyes and I could see myself, still standing although the earth beneath me was radically different.
A semester abroad is about learning and in the concluding class of this semester, I ventured an answer to what this experience has meant to me:
“To me, Rome has been all about directions. I haven’t only learned how to get around the city, but I’ve begun to question the direction of my life, my relationships, my schooling. Sometimes in the city, we set out to with a destination and end up getting lost. When we get lost, we discover our favorite pasticcerias, the best cup of cappuccino, and always end up where we should be. I guess I’ve come to appreciate the aesthetic of being lost.”
Rabbi Spitzer, my professor, smiled and responded, “It is your job to be lost. The young need to wander and discover."
Both Gilbert and I do just this. I may not have come to the same self-actualization she did, but the number of years she has lived is double my own. I do not know the final form of my oak, but I can definitely say that I am journeying towards it. At one point in the song, Father says, “And just when they start to find themselves is when you fear they’re lost.” I am not lost, I am just roaming.
